MacBook Dives into Traffic: Saves Toddler from Imminent Demise

"It was a truly glorious sight." said Abu-Ali Mohammed, a Washington D.C. witness to a nearby pedestrian's MacBook leaping into the path of a careening semi-truck.

Avid Mac Boner enthusiast, Moeshe Rosenstein was walking down U Street last Thursday, when an 18 wheeler carrying a shipment of Windows Vista jackknifed on 14th and hurtled toward a crowd waiting at the crosswalk.

According to onlookers, Mr. Rosenstein's MacBook leaped from his Patagonia knapsack, and while still ensconced in it's Incase neoprene sleave, suddenly began levitating directly between the cab of the truck and a small child who had wandered off of the sidewalk.

"Suddenly, it was like there was a light coming from this small black rectangle in the air above the street...like it was about 10 feet or so, and emitting a strangely sweet sound....it was really kinda trance-like."

Apparently, the light observed by onlookers was the Mac emblem on the top of the MacBook. Eventually burning a hole in the neoprene covering, it erupted with a laser-like beam of pure energy. Witnesses' descriptions varied from "something similar to a Jedi Light Saber" to "alot like the fire of God that blasted outa the Ark in that Indiana Jones movie."

Witnesses then said the beam struck the side of the truck, immediately vaporizing the cab. The trailer however, came to a stop some yards away.

A small group of people had the vantage point to see a man "....staring at the MacBook, quietly chanting to it....it was almost like he was directing it....I don't really know." Described as a scarily thin man with greying hair, wearing a black turtle neck sweater and jeans, he was no longer at the scene by the time the media arrived.

One witness who happened to be a software engineer later commented, "The jarring and violent effect of the crash on the cargo of Vista packages could actually cause an improvement in their performance. We'll have to wait and see....anything's possible."

The child saved by the MacBook's intervention is still unidentified at this time. His mother was however, quoted at the scene: "We are on our way to the Apple store right now."

During the joyous yet strangely surreal celebration that followed, Rosenstein and Mohammed began sharing MacBook stories, soon realizing they had more in common than previously thought. A senior member of AIPAC, Rosenstein was then heard to comment "This day has lifted the veil from my eyes. No longer will I repress and persecute my Muslim friends. My MacBook has convinced me that our struggle against Palestine must end. We must find peace."

Mohammed responded simply with "MacBook u akbar."

Welcome to Mac Boner

Dear Mac Users,

Welcome to the first blog dedicated to how preposterously amazing Macs are.

Emergency cesarean sections, the foiling of terrorist plots, curing cancer, and cold fusion are but a few of the amazing accomplishments achieved by MacBooks every day. Here at MACBONER, you can share in all the transcendent glory of these electronic adonises.

I am currently incarcerated (at my own will) for some last-minute combat training before deploying to Afghanistan. A fellow inmate and Naval Officer is sharing the experience with me, and our lack of bandwith here has poignantly highlighted how utterly useless life is without constant and repeated Mac use.

We have devolved into a state similar to a heroin addict on his 3rd day of rehab. This constant separation from our BFDs (boner facilitation devices, e.g. MacBooks) has created panic episodes otherwise known as "Macattacks".

Please stay tuned, as our first vignette will detail the selflessly heroic act a Mac Boner reader's MacBook performed recently: saving a child from the path of an out of control tractor-trailer.

I hope you have a Mactastic day, and a truly satisfying Macboner!